That is something that i seek from Sarah. She had been throwing tantrum for the past few weeks. Today she did it again when we were shopping. I cannot take it anymore. All I wanted is to have dinner with him. All she has to do is to shut her big fat mouth up. But no she did not. She whined so much on how many nights i spent out. Let me correct her, i am only out on thurs and fri night. Even though how angry I am, I know if I had to make a choice I will always choose to stay by my family side. Daddy allowed me to go, mummy wasn't super unhappy or angry, she even asked me what I wish to eat tonight with him. But because I dote Sarah so much, I stayed at home facing my laptop, feeling depressed and lethargic. All I can do is to blame myself for loving my family so much, putting them in the first place.

Sometimes I am so afraid that I mayreach the point where I have to sacrafice my happiness for theirs. I am so tired today, but the thought that I may meet him I'll look forward to it. I don't know why, but since staying at home I got nothing to do why not I go out to do what I like? They never understand. Now while i am typing off my keyboard, Da Jie is reading story book, Sarah is angry that now I am at home, sitting quietly and like on the verge of crying. Daddy and mummy had roughly guessed why am i so lifeless and left me to face my laptop, but occassionally asking what i would like for dinner.

Should i have remain single? At least I will be the only person feeling lonely at times and needs a shoulder to cry on and hug. Now i think i just drag another person into this pit. Isn't it great?