I have changed. Since that incident 2 years ago I've been much more immune to quarrels and getting my feelings hurt. Weird isn't it?

Today da jie found out how much I earn a month, S$1500 for the past 2 months and slightly more this month due to the conference in Bali. She was fuming mad. When elders say, "Money matters will hurt kinship", I never believe. Cause I thought as long there is give and take, it should be fine. Moreover, kinship cannot be measured by physical value. She said those hurting words. Say I dig a hole in her pocket and stuff even though I am earning that much.

Does she know how envious I am when I see my friends being pampered with gifts by their sisters? Or though not gifts, their sisters would share stuff among each other. Mine was not like that. What is hers is hers. Occasionally I would take her stuff without permission and be prepared to face the music when she finds out. Never did I mention these feelings to her. Because I know my sister is who she is. But it is always inevitable to compare. Though I am in such a state, I never fail to pamper them and myself=) I will always buy food that I think it is delicious and bring it home. But never did my sisters appreciate it. But instead, they say I always try good food without them. Dining as a family outside is a very huge expense. Most of the time, when I eat with my friends I uses the money I earn during holiday or the money I scrimp and save from my daily allowance. While my elder sister save her money, I spend and save at the same time. But these efforts of buying food and little gifts are never part of their memory.

Last year christmas I was in Shanghai. I used my own money to buy Da Jie a shawl because I know her new HDB Hub office will be cold on rainy day. Bought Sarah little hair clips too. The money dad and mummy gave me was untouched. The night I returned home, I secretly slipped those cash into our family foreign currency wallet. While my christmas bonus was in China currency and I still returned it to my parents, sarah and jie's bonus were safe in their banks. I once thought these actions of mine will be secret till i lay six feet under. How many times I wanted to say all the handling of cash was done. But I held back. It only make them look ugly and petty over money. So I took the image of being a spendthrift and sister who love spend money and digging holes out of people pocket. Who can remember the sister who paid hundred over dollars on their clothes? Who can remember the girl who treats them to the lunch after movies?

I am pampered by the older generations maybe because they saw what was in me. Deep inside I am somebody who put others before myself. always thinking whether I am hurting another party. Am I?

Sometimes, even family members that are so close to you cannot take the jokes you crack. Then, who can?