-lost-

Are you feeling lost now? I am. I do not know why am I so stress and I just do not know how to relief it. I tried baking yesterday, singing today and watching tv all day. But nothing seems to work. Haiz.. sometimes I just feel like digging a hole in the ground and hide away from the fast moving surrounding. Everyone in University is getting along so quickly. They all seem so happy, adapted to the place and find it comfortable with their new friends. But I don't seem so. Walking to school from city hall mrt, observing the people around me. Friends arrive at school together, chat along the way sharing umbrella on this rainy day. While I walk alone under my own umbrella, feeling so sad in early morning. It is so unlike my normal days to JC, where I have julian in yr 1 to walk with me, deshun, justin and edmund in jc2. Chatting all the way making a good and energetic head start in the morning.

In university, everyone is moving so quickly. Lessons end, people rushing of to meet friends for lunch, some rush to library to grad hold of books the professor just mention. For me, most of the time after settling admin stuff, I head home. Though I'm at home, I am not too happy either. I'm afraid of being left out in school activities. Take for example, I'm learning salsa in university. I really wanted to go on friday, but the learning sessions clash with my LTB classes. While I really want my OG mates to join me on monday, but I guess it wouldn't be fair for them. Especially genie has lesson during the monday session. So I thought I should accompany another guy friend of mine next term since he said his timetable clashes with all. Guess what? all of a sudden, he told me he is going on monday with another friend. When asked, the other friend is a girl, an his dance partner. So I'm left all alone again. Hmm.. you know when I heard it, I cried. Not because I lost my "dance partner" but instead the feeling of being betrayed. Maybe at least he did tell me he was joining instead of leaving me all alone thinking of accompanying him for next term. But the point that he only told me after sending his application and found another dance partner. This incident was like a catalyst to my emotions that I really feel left out in school.

Truthfully, I'm not a person that like sudden changes. Some changes I can adapt fast, but some I can't. Mummy says sometimes an environment forces a person to be stronger, need to adapt in order to survive. I guess it was a wake up call for me to open my doors to make new friends again. All my friends in IJ Punggol, SJC and SRJC I miss you guys lots.

Do I belong here?