-Fear-

Today I felt very uncomfortable the entire trip to work. I met Mingjin at Kovan station when she boarded through the door adjacent to mine. Firstly I saw a girl that look like her entering. On a second look, it really her. She look more frail than before. Thinner, the word is thinner not slimmer. She was more bonny than ever. Her facial bones were so obvious. It is like a layer of skin over the flesh. Gosh. I think whoever sees her in that state must have wonder what is wrong with her diet.

At the sight of her, I sense a little fear over me. I was afraid he will be near by. Especially, I have never seen Mingjin on the same train since I took the same train everyday. It's taunting me. I scared. On my mind, I kept wondering " Is she meeting him?" " Where will it be?" "Will he stare at me once he spots me?" "Will he scold and call me names in public?" "Will I get whack?" So once I arrive at Dhoby Ghaut, I walked as fast as I could to the red line and walked to office so quickly that I was like running. Embarrassing. But my legs just don't want to slow down.

Though all these thoughts kept running in my mind. One thing was clear to me. I'm having phobia. I realise I may have phobia in entering another relationship. I'm afraid whether my future husband will whack me, call me names, treat me badly in public and prevent me from making friends? Having feelings for a person is different from entering a relationship with the person. I realised I may fall for somebody but the fear to enter relationship will be there.

is there a cure?