-Acknowledgement-

32 hours since I know the results willbe release on Wednesday, 1st March!!! Anxiety is really setting in. Couldn't believe that I was so freak out when I know the day of release, scaring my collegues. Tears just rolled down my eyes. How? Will I do badly? I really hope not. Did not sleep well last night too. Woke up at 3am and could not fall asleep again. When down to run at 6.30 this morning. Hoping to tire myself out, so I can have a good sleep. But I only got more energetic. Lame!!! Went to the market and NTUC. Carried so many stuff back and ate what I have exercise off in the morning. Big bowl of cereal, triple deck bread and Nissin cup noodles. Great I'm really stress and putting tons of weight. Daddy on the other hand had already made plans to where we are going to celebrate. I'm feeling so pressurized. What if I do not fair well? I'm just going to disappoint my mum again. The other time mummy hope I get 12 for 'O' levels, but I got 14. What will it this time? Mummy hope I enter NUS, and maybe this time I cannot make it. I really do not have fate in myself.

Tomorrow I'm going to temple with liyun and gang. But I'm only going to temple hoping that I find peace. At this moment I know nothing can help me. Everything is set, what I've sow last year, I'm going to reap it this wednesday. I'm so afraid I no longer have the courage. Told pa and ma not to accompany me. Daddy took off on that day. How? Everyone in the family is giving me their support but I couldn't support myself. Sometimes I really ponder. If now lord is giving me a choice- my lifespan or a good future. What will I choose? Truthfully speaking, if I chose lifespan, I feel that I'm lying. What 's the use of choosing a longer life time and be a failure now? I'm a girl who couldn't take failure . I do not have the courage to start all over again. I just couldn't. But society just pushes us to carry on. Life's tough, but who's not?

I just hope I can stand up again. Played tarot cards today. Bad omens given. Dead meat. So where do I find peace?